Co-creators that we are. Where to begin, like everything in life, and after, for that matter, there is a point of beginning, and ending or at least so we seem to think. So we always refer to events pertaining to our lives within a boundary determined by ourselves. Those boundary limits are solely determined by the person setting them, and once we realise that, this is were the “journey of creation” begins. Revelation is unannounced; we travel our path as is laid out, and ask no question, until a question is asked of us.
The warmth of the air conditioner spread over my entire body, even though the wind was blowing fiercely outside, and the window was covered with mist and rain, I felt safe. The trees sped by as though the world had just been put on fast forward. I knew each and every branch flashing by, I felt a familiarity like no other, the same songs played over and over ringing true to every bone in my body, never quite knowing the reasons for these intrepid journeys, but understanding nevertheless.
It had always provoked a sense of excitement in me, anticipating yet another trip, although the reasons surrounding these journeys seemed unknowingly sinister. It certainly is strange the events and experiences one tends to remember as a child. Pure, true, sense, taste, touch, smell, life, joy, warmth, love and smiling laughter. Not quite in that very order, but memories prying their awesome wonders freely flowing towards a better understanding of what the future should hold.
There was a knock at the door, not quite sure what to expect, but anxious with anticipation I decided that opening it should be something I’d need to consider. After seconds of careful consideration, I did. The creature standing before me was definitely not someone, or rather something you would consider inviting to a dinner party. Its expression was somewhat disturbing to say the least, although I just was not sure whether that was indeed an expression or whether it just looked like that...It did or said nothing, it just stood there for a while, eventually after not much, it handed me a note, and disappeared as mysteriously as it had arrived. I opened the note and on it in tiny bold letters were written the words, “I’ll see you later”.
In light of what had just taken place I carefully thought about the amounts of occurrences in all our lives which we find strange and inexplicable of which the majority of the time we simply write off as just that, strange, and never really give it much thought. Certainly what I had just described seems at the least “strange” and possibly even an exaggeration. But I think there are times when one tends to be so preoccupied with various activities in life, that the only way a message could possibly get through to us, would be a situation like that, and sometimes not even then do we really listen. True love is certainly one of those “strange” occurrences most people tend to ignore until it is generally too late. Why is it that there are certain aspects of life which we search for practically all our lives and when we finally find them we do not recognize them? Pure presence emulates itself in many different forms, forms to which we have fragments of childhood memories, which are so true and yet as adults we blatantly betray them for fear of being mistaken.
What lies beyond the realm of common understanding is, and will always be a mystery, but the strangest thing is that we always tend to wonder about that even though we know full well there is no way of knowing. The most uncertain time in most of our lives is the present...we find ourselves constantly contemplating past and future events as though they were indeed what ruled our present state of mind, when in fact it is exactly the opposite!!! The question we may all need to be answered is how do we stay here?
I smiled brightly at the incredible sense of familiarity, which filled my entire being at a time when I certainly thought all else was lost. The warmth and serenity, which enveloped my spirit, had penetrated exiled portals of my soul I thought had died, apparently not. Even though I knew there had been the prediction of future pleasantries there was no way of knowing for sure what life had in store. Passions I had forgotten were being prickled with strange awakenings, life had sprung from a somber silence only known to its soulful owner.
Wild, carefree sunshine, through blades of luscious willows, freshly cut grass, and warm summer evenings embraced our souls with vibrant excitement.
And all through these moments of unconscious pleasure we had experiences, which would be lessons for life.
Would we use them or not. Hindsight as they say always offers twenty twenty vision, and those of us who did, would certainly reap the benefit, others would forget, and others would be advisors/reminders. The bells of St. Clemency rang loudly in my inner soul’s ear, bringing smiles of pure joy as I would have the utmost faith that I would never be chopped, even though I always were. The point was that I had always thought I would not be! I think that was probably my first experience and misunderstanding of karma ever. That purely because I believed that I was good enough to survive a chopping of the “bells” I never quite completely lost the game. One is always governed by your thoughts, thought word and deed.
Jesus walking on water, we probably could too, if we only believed. Surely that was the reason God had sent him in the first place, if only to show us just how much we as people were able to do, on nothing but faith in ourselves and the purity and innocence of our thoughts. It makes no difference were we go, every journey ends, each new landscape, now we know, is a stepping stone, until we are safe at home.
KY
Winters were harsh just as pleasantly harsh as summers were, the heat of the summers were accentuated by the extremities of winter, one consolation one had was the warmth of the home fires which were kept burning.
It was 2:37pm walking into the kitchen was an experience in itself, warmth penetrated, love emulated, understanding came after, but presence stayed that much longer. Now true understanding reveals simple but now evident reality then not perceived. Joy, warmth, love, smiles, embraces appreciated beyond now, but stretching out to then, coming home. CT reminder: Joyous moments spent, leaving lasting love ever present in the corners of your mind like a really pleasant afternoon spent at the beach and the importance of being here manifests itself in so many ways. The reflection of true happiness is expressed in a simple thing like the laughter of a child, and it rings so true in the ears of “us” as adults. Love has a strange way of enlightening, its presence leaves you so content and at the same time mystified to the extent that one tends to try so hard not to think about it too much, just in case it slips away.
Everybody has had those moments, moments you wished would just go on forever, and they do, if you were just able to not concentrate on them so much. I have had slow visions of “my friend”, suspect appearances, which leave you wondering whether life has something more in store. I have certainly had persistently pleasant thoughts infiltrate a place in my mind which generally tends to lend itself to slightly darker patterns, and the slightness of it impresses so dearly on me and it makes everything worthwhile. “God’s” spirit has infiltrated my life once again a presence I have missed for so long I could not remember when I had lost it.
There has to be more to getting through these barriers. Repeatedly I say to myself that certainly there has to be more, even though you see through your spirits eye that indeed there is. It is ludicrously simple; it’s so easy we don’t see it. In the same way we tend to allow the laws governing the rest of our lives to overpower our instinctive desire to follow the simple truth. The truth is nagging and unrelenting, and most times we prefer to ignore it. We would much sooner freely give it away than heed to it ourselves. “The lessons we most need to learn are the ones we most love to teach”.
Inspiration and thought which summon up fear and anguish are our life lessons and they are lessons desperate to teach, and for that reason, if we do not learn and show that we have learnt, the nagging becomes too much to bear and we have to tell someone, hence our teaching. This does pose such a dilemma with the guilt-ridden conscience of those aware of the truth. It has been said that “we should take the bark out of our own eyes, before removing the splinter from another’s”, lest we are unable to see. This, however true, is still not completely true, because in acknowledging and understanding that it is our battle we are fighting we recognize that it is indeed our lessons we are teaching.
Truth, love, and joy I am told are the answers. Like most skeptics I am yet to experience it in the full. I do know that this is true; I just don’t believe it, yet. I pray each day that I may get closer to the understanding and living of this simple, yet infinitely wondrous concept. Till then I’ll keep on praying and asking, for I know it is in that, that I will find peace of mind.
I was now ready for my first big lesson; I had postponed it for far too long. The smell had never quite bothered me since I was used to it. We found ourselves in front of the printing house the air was filled with tension yet unknown.
Devastating tremors filled my then impenetrable body, reaching the “long trees” had been a consolation for me, familiarity eased, and cautioned pain I refused to allow dampen my wild and extremely delightful spirit, still too young. Giving in was not an option.
Time passed by as though it had never been, and life went on. Approaching the last stop made it all worthwhile windblown and miserable I approached the counter with confidence totally unaware of the moment, which would pass, unnoticed.
My “friend “had made his presence felt yet again.
I opened the letter with careful consideration, since I began recognizing moments of reality invading spaces in my life which I had specifically set aside for just the opposite, much to my delight life smiled on me, for now. The acceptance of my application to further my journey had finally been granted.
I had been traveling for three days now, oblivious to the fact that my guide was fervently busy trying to get me going. The journey was highlighted by so many little inspirations of grandeur, which left an awesome feeling of knowing, however blinded I might have been by my not knowing.
Zululand slid by like a smooth transition passing through my then glazed mind, brightly colored pastures of green and blue lingered. Tunes sprung from green grass, sugarcane fields, tall forest trees and bright blue fluffy cloud speckled skies. It had been raining for a while and now the sun shone brightly through the rain soaked fields, giving me the opportunity to stop for a while and bask in the wise traditions of the man carving his culture in wood, passed on to him through generation after generation, sending greetings of love, pride and joy from his ancestors.
Speaking to him was a lesson I now know. Teaching the importance of closeness of all, and understanding that my growth could come from one source, and one source only after smoke filled deliberation I bid him farewell never to see him again, even though I had just met him, and we had all of an hour to spend together, I left with a sense of knowing. His sincere greetings of warmth and well wishes stayed with me for longer than I anticipated.
Sliding through the rolling hills and constant drizzle gave me time. Time I now long for. Moments are by far the most extraordinary little elements of time they spring upon you when you least expect them to, and if you are lucky enough, or rather aware enough, you eventually recognize them while they take place.
The key is to be careful not to notice them too much. They have an uncanny way of disappearing once noticed, since they are very shy evasive little creatures. This was one of those times when I had missed noticing the moment. The beauty however of moments, is that they are never lost forever, because even though you may not notice them immediately, you are always able to recall each and every one of them, at will.
I believe, that journey within the journey, certainly was one of those stepping stones, which would lead me closer to home. Reaching my destination was sweet and even though I had taken it with vigorous apprehension, it had all been worthwhile, so far.
Getting me started was an extreme task for my parents, almost an impossible one at that, if I did not know any better. In saying so, I do not mean with reference to this trip alone, and for that, I am eternally grateful at the awesome enthusiasm, which they so unfailingly displayed. One of the fears we sometimes manifest is the one of core recognition, the recognition of your true self. In being obsessed with how bad we possibly can be we fail to see that it could in turn be the exact opposite. So completely bamboozled we are by the outer rims of exterior disturbances we fail to see the true goodness which lies buried within. Therefore tending not to dig too deeply for fear of ultimate disappointment, when there could never possibly be that disappointment. Since the discovery of true self leads to the discovery of core enlightenment and more. Core realization is the start of an awesome shackle breaking experience. It is the recognition of who we truly are and that no matter what dark presence there may be we are not a part of it, nobody is, and they are but mere creations, which stem from us as co-creators.
Walking among shadows becomes a privilege, since it exaggerates our expression of love, and brings light over the very things which shadow our existence.
We are like a candle in the face of the sun (true godliness). We never seem to notice just how important our flame is to the complete existence of "God". We sometimes need the sun to go down on us, before realising our true potential, for only then do we see “the light”.
I approached the beach with sad reflection, of times remembered when persistent yearning was ignored. The cold sea air engulfed my entire body; the sun had started to smile its warmth on the planet yet again. Moving stealthily across the sandy unstable platform, observing the particles with great care and caution, almost immediately realizing how significantly important each of our spirits are. That we are indeed neither here nor there, but now. How each time I’ve passed by without pronouncing the importance of others.
Upon shifting my gaze toward higher ground, I could not help but notice a man in the distance repeatedly bending down, moving toward the ocean and swinging his arm as though casting something out to sea. Once I had reached within close proximity to him, the picture became clearer.
He was busy picking something up walking toward the edge of the ocean, and throwing it into the sea. By the time I had finally gotten near enough to witness this ritual up close, my curiosity had completely overwhelmed me and I was unable to contain myself. The mysterious stranger had an intelligent calmness of expression which, no doubt, was acquired by years of complete understanding to what his sole purpose was in this lifetime. “What are you doing?” I asked. “Well,” the man said, smiling. “I am throwing these starfish back in the water before the sun comes up, so as to prevent them from getting burnt by the sun, and ultimately dying.” I looked at him with a blank expression on my face. “What for?” I said, “There are thousands of them lying stranded on this beach, what difference would it make for you to even try and rescue them?” He looked at me with extreme confusion, then smiled that knowing smile, bent down picked up a single starfish, walked toward the ocean and threw it in as far as his slender arms would allow. He then walked straight up to me and, still smiling said, “Well, it made a difference to that one.”
We were driving and driving I said how monotonous for a door for which I at the time could not have had any perception, for something I now realise strengths I had not then perceived, I had no right to say what I had said, I now know, my heart screams with agony for my ignorance.
Celebration of life:
We all eventually find our own path towards the light. We sometimes manage to move with great swiftness and surety of foot, and other times with immense difficulty, but once we begin our journey and we have set our sights on higher ground, we do indeed understand our true potential, even in times of doubt. On this journey we often pass by those in need of our guidance, and too often ignore their cries for help, forgetting that we had also once been there, and only needed an encouraging heart to steer us clear of pending dangers. The forest is dark and thick with strange disguises. Coming to you with persuasive promises, making it all the more difficult to stay focused on your true self. Ultimate freedom and joy is achieved in the knowing of self and the understanding and acceptance that it does all get harder with time. Like any intriguing experience and for that there is this.
For the more perilous the journey, the more you learn, and the more you learn the deeper your foundation of truth is laid.
Weekend’s away and frozen spaces of true reflection of untouched love yet to be explored. The re-awakening of youthful tears of joy flow freely down your sun drenched skin. Traveling on a ferry when you least expect, soaking the sun when you feel the soft ebb of the cool water brushing up against your feet, moving towards a destination unknown and partaking in its pleasure by your mere presence. Then coming “home” leaves you wondering. Wondering what joy lies beneath undiscovered paths you may have left unraveled, what joys lie in your present journey left untraveled, and you then say to yourself “wonder no more, but at the wonders before you.” And all will be, and is, revealed.
We are all co-creators and co-creator we will forever be, be it or be it not that we truly perceive, we have no other alternative but to believe. For the truth will always prevail...
“Everything happens for a reason”, nothing is a coincidence.
God/ess of True Love Splendour
Pray Goddess of true love, show me
Thine awesome splendours.
I have seen glory shine from portals
Of once closed doors, prying resident
Goodness from within. Places of love
Shine bright with warm rays of truth
Once shyly hidden.
Pray Goddess of true love show me
Thine awesome splendours.
Now slowly breaking through
Aching silence, do not depart amidst
Final revelation, for truth has never
Shone so bright - never so bright.
Pray Goddess of true love show me
thine awesome splendours,
That I may finally show thee mine...
I will be who I am, and I will be who my soul was meant to be. I was sent on my journey with a purpose, and that purpose will be fulfilled.
There is everything before and everything after, so why fight getting there?
We need to know that we are loved, by ourselves, for who and what we are about, before true release-ultimate trust-all and all self trust, and love.
Love all your experiences every last one of them, for it is only in living both bad and good that we are able to distinguish between the two. The good emulates love, sunshine, and laughter the bad shows us the difference. Without the one the other cannot exist. All people in our lives serve some purpose whether to show you who you are, or whether to show you who you are not, it is for that reason we need to embrace everyone for their purpose they have come to serve in each of our lives, good or bad.
Coming home
You are my light
You are my love
You are a true gift from above
You are my sanity in times of madness.
You make me smile in times of sadness.
You are my life in times of death
and my Heaven in times of Hell.
You are my inspiration and my TRUTH in desperation
You are my sunshine in times of rain,
And my happiness in times of pain.
You make me happy, you make me give,
You found my soul, at last... I LIVE...
You are the awakening of my soul
Littlewave ccc…
…
YES sir, that strange creature has reared its sinister head as promised. My dreams, thoughts and premonitions have entered the realm of the unforgiving. I have entered the parlor of true understanding, or illusion yet again. What was it? What was the lesson I never learnt? All feeling still abound the void of pain and anguish cannot be described. My heart and soul have yet again been put on trial, only this time with a degree of experience, which I have come to realise is of extreme value. What to do? What to do? There are but three options.
One being, follow your broken, crushed barely surviving heart. Two, ignore your heart and listen to your head, or three which seems the only true and real option, take the advice of your heart, your mind and a liberal dose of your soul. Faith, hope, trust and love are human elements which have a place in all of our hearts. The degree, to which we believe in any of them, depends on each of our individual experiences. The most important question though, is whether or not, we believe. Despite those very experiences.
The teacher appears when the student is ready, so all experiences both, bad, and good come at exactly the right time. The strength we seek lies within; we can search a thousand lifetimes, but never find the essence without. For faith, hope, trust and love will always be safe inside you, therefore living on the inside remains steadfast and true, regardless, and that should always be your focus, for true and pure, unconditional love. And yet another chapter begins.
My passion has become dependent on the slow flow of wet and dowsing revelation. My love, however, is not dowsed, fear has subsided, thoughts of thoughts have subsided, and reality dawns and misconceptions are displaced since there's always, but always, truth. Truth, truth I hung on to, purely based on truth revealed to me. Love, trust, faith and hope disillusioned within any mind of factual reason. Twice I have felt the pain of realisation, and if this is realisation I want no part of it, for it is not a part of me, for I know there is more to love than this. There is more, I know there's more, for one reason, GOD has shown me there’s more.
I’ve been forced to the ground and felt the pain of a thousand lifetimes of searching, and finding and losing all, at once. I will accordingly. I have shifted my balance of understanding, purely based on the love that I feel.
Will I make it, will I manage to slay the dragon of cynicism, yet again, and that question hangs heavily over my head, for right now the battle seems to sway in favor of the unknown?
The peace and quiet experienced here, has to have its place, for which I, at this point, do not have an answer. As before, questions will always surface in the face of change, but what I have come to realise is that one should not panic, for ALL will, and always is, revealed, in good time.
Battles are fought and won in the strangest of times. Times less likely to leave you feeling strong, proud, and confident that all is well, which in turn, creates strong doubt that what you do must be right, but hang in there because it is only in the dark that the light is revealed. It is at that time, when everything becomes so clear, that all else fades away. Those aspects of your life that means the world to you will stand against everything that does not.
Roberts road:
The rain has not stopped for two days now; the silence creeps up when you least expect and the sounds are all new. It is indeed something new; a new chapter certainly has begun. What it will bring remains a mystery, but is that not what it’s all about? I know all things do unfold as they should, and if I’ve learnt anything. I’ve learnt not to expect ANYTHING. I can however hope, dream, and smile, on any future connection, which may come my way! My mind, I feel, is shifting. The changes that are taking place are automated, and I release all control, for I had no control to begin with. It is now at that point that all things will be, as they should, regardless. I am happy again. LET GO AND LET GOD.
There is” indeed “more than one way home, and there is no right way, and there is no wrong.” Realisation dawns, for all things work for the good and pain is growth, For as before, there can be no light without darkness, and after rain there will be sun. The understanding of what was taking place evaded me, in theory I understood, but in practice it was self-destroying, there were too many conflicting interests.
Life had gone from total understanding to utter chaos, nothing made sense anymore. There was LOVE and there was SPRITIUAL GROWTH. The two, up until now I understood to be one and the same thing. In fact I know the two are one and the same, except my experience was leading me to believe differently. My knowledge of self had transcended the belief that all things require a degree of introspection, for once one becomes self-aware you don’t need an external source to confirm your convictions. Lessons I learn are lessons I learn hard, and for that I am thankful for they are lessons remembered, always. Except that the love shared will be strong enough, and give the freedom, for it is only in giving that you receive, and in giving love, you would certainly receive a familiar welcome home.
christIopher
The plot is found,
The thought is raised.
Suspicion abounds. Love is lost, and
Love is found.
A simple phrase falls from too eager lips,
And could cause complex misunderstanding
In simple minds,
But that is all and all is all
For when truth abounds
All else fades away…
It was now time to put aside all that was not true, and real, and to allow the revelation of all, to be as it should.
The pain lingers and the misunderstanding penetrates; and is persistent. The knowledge of a fresh beginning and added experience, though, is inviting, and extremely self-accepting.
Liberation is release.
“Do not let truth and kindness leave you”
Proverbs: 3 verse 3
Save the world with kindness and love, cynicism will not abound. Overcome; do not succumb, if not for yourself then for the sake of your soul. Wishing hard for ALL, always.
Waking up in the morning was like stepping out and experiencing a slow soft penetrating breeze brush over my face, on a scorching summer day.
I woke up to tunes of childhood memories being sung with the tender essence only possible by the likes of an unassuming angel
.
In the face of nothing you realise the importance of everything. Inspiration comes in many forms, most times unrecognizable. In the guise of an enemy, but when indeed he/she/it is your only true friend.
the little soul returns with a vengeance, only to be reckoned with by the soul it was promised to.
Lesson learnt. I can give without receiving.
Sacred Revelation
I stared over at the apparition glancing back at me. A Face vaguely familiar; but his eye’s pierced deep into the hidden realm of my innermost being. I knew who that was, I recognised the love, joy, and passion that lay hidden inside and I breathed a sigh of relief. We had once again reconstructed our past, present, and future in one instant.
In that instant life had flowed back into me with the force of an expanding universe.
again remembrance saved Proverbs: 3 verse 3
UNTIL OUR PATHS CROSS AGAIN, LET US FEEL SOME COMFORT IN THE ARMS OF REMEMBERANCE.
For it is in the arms of remembrance that we remember ourselves
“Realising that one needs to do what you want to do, and not what you think you need to do”; with a degree of consideration makes self -acceptance that much more tangible. It is only in your darkest hour that truth prevails, for it cannot be questioned no matter how hard we try.
Truth cannot be bent, warped, or distorted in any way. Except by those who choose to, and those who choose to, choose to remain in the dark.
What joy lies in the mere understanding that, there are many more things in our lives that we have to be thankful for, than there are things that we are not.
Dark periods come and go, and this much I have come to know, is that the recognition of these dark periods, is what makes them all the more lighter. You wake up one morning and everything seems that much heavier than it did the day before. Realising that there is, and will always be these phases in your life are uplifting. Then you realise that once again after laughter come's tears, and after rain there will always be sun. No matter how many times we are up, there will always be a down to remind us of the very idea of being up. For me, as human being, let it not be said that I have not tried hard enough, for me as god I know I need not try anymore.
Your soul is the path to innocence and you should always follow it, for it will always lead you home.
Roberts road:
So here I am, and there’s a rainbow spread across the southern sky, the rain had subsided, and conversations in the kitchen bring on new meaning to the term “sunshine and laughter”. Then you realise that it does indeed take both the sunshine, and the rain to make a rainbow.
So when there’s rain embrace the rain, and when there’s sun celebrate the sun, and never confuse the two, or you will never experience the pain, or the love, and you will surely never know the difference. I have now realised my eternal curse, in line with embracing the rain, and that is my ability to remember long slow memories. Surely there has to be a purpose for that, be it to remind myself, or be it to remind others? My spirit always, but always, stays for longer than most, and even after. I will always remember with such vividness, that I could never possibly deny, but the question still remains, if I were being shown so deliberately that the present is the only aspect which influences, and encourages any form of past, and future. Then, of what value was my ability to recall every conceivable detail of the long forgotten past?
What to put down, nothing has come to mind for quite a while, so therefore nothing will be written. I have experienced so much, but writing all of it down has been beyond writing it, so writing it has evaded me, but thoughts and experiences abound, and will reveal and manifest itself, when the time is right. That time apparently is not now. Hence nothing.
I hang on to every little phrase and comment hoping it will linger, and it does. Each new sparking moment passes by totally noticed, but noticed only by me. The depth of my anguish is never released unless released by me, for I am and always will be the sole owner of that. A guise which lives in a guise of happiness. Failure stems from the giving up of trying, let it be reckoned that one should know when to give up, and also when to know the difference between.
Many thoughts have crossed my mind, many thoughts have made residence too, but not all has made sense to me thus far. I await the hour; no I await the second that revelation reveals it’s essence of understanding for this I can stand no more. My mind is mush and my heart even less. For my understanding of love is being altered beyond my understanding of love, and pain has revealed a new belief for which I pray I will not subscribe to. For if I do I will forever be lost. Dear god, be with me in this hour, day, week, month, hopefully not year, of dire need. For your presence has never been needed more. Salvage a soul of true blessing before all is lost, and all becomes what all is not.
I understand. Why is it that I do not know? I know. Why is it that I do not believe? I believe. Why is it that I do not see? I see. Why is it that I do not feel? I feel. Why is it that I do not trust? I trust. Why is it that?
I ask this since love encompasses all of this, and more, and all of this, and more I feel. The feelings are there, but they are there for not only me. It could take a day it could take a lifetime, I will never stop trying. Lesson learnt “where there is comfort there is pain”
First wave: xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Returning was hard, but before the thought of that persuaded, recollection of joy felt in experiences changed it. Youthfulness had strengthened my approach. Recalling the time I had shared with a friend, long forgotten, had re-aligned, and excitement resurrected.
It was a perfectly typical day, it was twelve, and the sun had been where it’s always been, for that was the only place it belonged, a constant I had come to appreciate. It was a Monday morning, the ring I regcognised. The disturbance was not apparent, but the passion had not died. I felt closer than that, closer than family, the connection our souls had was forged in time, and time had always been.
I had only mentioned the interest, and that was enough to set the wheels in motion. The universe had always listened, everything I said was revealed, and realised, before I even had any chance to realise. At the time the understanding of that fact had never quite crossed my mind. My thoughts were instant, and all the decisions were automated.
I had seen my angel but once, but the impression left was unknown to me. It was a hot summer day in the heart of the Karoo, and the mere thought of any decision was never a thought. I had seen my destiny move from the far end of the street, and beyond, reflecting the essence of light I could not have ever imagined before then. An image had been imprinted on my mind forever. Energy, and joy emulated, and the strength and warmth with which my attraction had been instigated was to last a lifetime. I had never been conscious before then I surely could not have been; I had realised the essence of all existence, without realising what all existence entailed, or even exactly what it was. Total recall will always be a curse, and a cross I would have to bear, until our understanding would lend itself to revelation of purpose.
Go, go wherever you need to go, take whatever you need to take, and be what ever you want to be, I will always understand, always understand. Crayon sun, cradled in the arms of an angel.
Recent events have taught me, yet again the importance of seizing every moment, and exploring it to its maximum potential. For that experience and time may be gone sooner than expected.
Short moments of joy, revealed revelation of ultimate expression.
So where do we draw the line? Or is that the point of it all? Each new experience has the tendency to move “the line” just that much further. Although we may start our “journey” with perfectly aligned intentions, they do alter and that, in itself, may indeed be exactly the point? The most important aspect though, is never to lose sight of the all-important framework within which we as “god” have been placed, because once we loose sight of that, we lose sight of everything. Everything, and all that is important to our very existence, and that is “hell”, as we know it. Not a reality, but a “reality” within an illusion, which we sometimes choose to create. There are places that you find yourself when you learn the most when you think you are learning the least.
THE MIND GAP: (mind the gap)
Then there’s the gap between the
door and the floor,
the sounds you hear, the joy revealed and the joy perceived are thoughts beyond recognition.
What just happened, and what was felt, strikes deep within, but no soul knows, for no soul hears the sounds you hear, between the gap between the
floor and the door.
Your salvation is felt by how much you justify your value to your present situation, and if that is not justified by your present value then apparently there’s no value at all.
But that depends on your view of the gap between the
door and the floor.
Wisdom is not confined to age but to strength of character…” utando baduza from his 1997 year book
“Every opportunity is a lesson waiting to be learnt…”
“This is my day… one to rejoice and feel free
My admiration and passion are inspired,
by your beauty and gentleness…
Utando Baduza 12.05.2002… on the occasion of his birthday
For you and maybe for all…
“ Today is mine, tomorrow ours… yesterday an opportunity lost..”
Feelings felt are there for all. Movements of passion and joy reveal undiscovered pleasures of contained excitement. New chapters begin without warning, and the unknown always creates awesome wonders, for which we never have answers. Those questions, for which we do not have answers, we always have questions, and the questions are which usually brings us to the very discovery, of the very answers that we seek.
So never confine your experiences, for there is a kaleidoscope of experiences waiting to happen. It is within self-confinement that we gain sight of who we are, and from which liberation is born. This reveals the importance of realising that everyone has a different perspective and paradigm of everything that we ever experience.
The minute the universe is ready so are we, no, the split second the universe is, that’s the very instant we are too.
You came with a promise, promises are made of truth. There’s more strength in a surprise than a promise undelivered.
SOULMATES TRUE LOVE POEM:
When the sound of someone’s voice
could spark a raging
fire,
And the movement of their gestures
could start a quiet
storm,
And the lull of their quiet breathing,
sounds louder than clapping thunder
in the heart of the Listening
soul.
Since everyone could hear it, but only ONE would
listen
Yes only ONE would EVER
listen.
Fire
Storm
Soul
Listen
Listen
…
Recrudescence sanctified:
The platter returned, loves delight persuaded. Sunsets of truth and love converged as though it had never left. Decisions made harder, more difficult, by the arrival of our long lost friend…love, spiritual love.
The true persistence maintained is mistaken for deceit, when what it really is, is true persistence. Honest revelation is questioned as though it where indeed blinkered? When all it is, is honest revelation. Stay true to you for always and forever will the truth finally reveal the one thing that it started out to be… the same as what has always prevailed and always will… you know what that is… yes, you do know what that is.
Sunshine platter :
You have come and you have graced,
Your presence has been immensely savored.
Your love was felt and your tears have soothed.
The sun had burnt them not only into my skin
but also into my being,
If it were only for one hour, minute or second, long.
It was one hour, minute or second longer, always better than none…
I felt your presence there and I do know you felt it too,
It remains always true,
yes, always just for you?
The sunset reigned, the rippled ocean sang, we left from there
but never did, for yes; we will always and forever be searching,
searching for yet another one.
…
My friendship has never before been mentioned, but for all it’s splendor, for the writing of just that. For that had never ever been necessary, never will it ever be.
FriendsH ip Paradigm
Presence attained beyond appeal
Truth revealed even before a trial
Love believed and grasped, before it was, ever.
Understanding and acceptance conceived
even before birth,
Allows hope to flourish beyond;
Without ever the thought of not.
We are, who you are, and who I am,
and they that question,
will never be.
No never, have a place, where an answer finds its home.
This I know, since I know thee.
The only need will always be,
Only just the need to Be…
What adventures lie beyond?
Where is your soul, where is the heart I regocnise? Where’s the passion and exhiliration I once knew? Half measures are half lives. Settling is not an option. How does something so important become so mundane? Questions hang heavily on the mind, heart and soul of the bearer of said mind, heart and soul. Refusing to be a part of the many who have crossed over, never without a fight. Remembrance embraces with a genlteness denied by obstanance and stubboness. And memories will always persistantly discern and will forever in turn, make this house of mind, heart, and soul it’s home.
Silence has once again befriended me, passion has decided to evade me, and love has yet again betrayed me, but it could and would never ever forsake me.
I may be leaving sooner than expected, experience unveils understanding beyond belief, and belief remains the strength which drives us on.
My embrace reaches out, and my love yet again extends, and my soul uncontrolably smiles.
Veils and valleys, truths and vengence speculation arrives. Trepidition reigns , beliefs challenged strengths shine through. Giving way to revealed peaks and surity with firm and stable foundations of previousness. Meretriciousness scares me from a place of common ground. So I leave, because I have to. My true mien already has.
Song of the soul:
In the depths of my soul there is
A wordless song - a song that lives
In the seed of my heart. When it refuses to melt with ink on
Parchment; it engulfs my affection
In a transparent cloak and flows
But not upon my lips.
How can I sigh it? I fear it may
Mingle with earthly ether;
To whom shall I sing it? It dwells
In the house of my soul, in fear of
Harsh ears.
When I look into my inner eyes I see the shadow of its shadow;
When I touch my fingertips
I feel its vibrations.
The deeds of my hands heeds it’s
Presence as a lake must reflect
The glittering stars;
My tears
Reveal it, as bright drops of dew
Reveal the secret of a withering rose.
It is a song composed by contemplation,
and published by silence,
And shunned by clamor,
And folded by truth, and repeated by dreams, and understood by love, and hidden by awakening, and sung by my soul.
It is the song of love;
What Cain or Esau could sing it?
It is more fragrant than jasmine;
What voice could enslave it?
It is heart bound, as a virgin’s secret;
What string could quiver it? Who dares unite the roar of the sea?
And the singing of the nightingale?
Who dares compare the shrieking tempest?
To the sigh of an infant?
Who dare speak aloud the words?
Intended for the heart to speak?
What human dare sing in voice?
The song of god?
Kahlil Gibran
Calling upon a raconteur :
The church yard, my sancuary and teacher. If it where not for the church, given tasks would never have been. Alive with possibilities but NO, alive with NOW. I am to meet insight, my calling seems organised? What it holds remains to be seen. The word has gone, the thought before, the deed remains?
…
always there:
I know you have to go and you have things to do, but I do get my strength from the love I feel, from you, or something true.
There has not been that lately, let it be. I know you are here with me. I know you feel me. And I know, you know. Your presence before was paramount, and your insistance now is essenstial. For without your presence now, your future would be incomplete. But I know you are here, since I would, and could, eternally not feel any sense of defeat.
Never ever, a sense of any kind of defeat. Thank “you”. Forever true forever YOU. Your appearances maintains and resist the weakenesses against; but strengthens the realities you have always insisted upon.
That always your strength by you was insisted upon. Always but always by YOU was insisted upon.
Blueberry hill...
mayBe mayBe :
I lie, I lie, I die…
Here I am, there you are;
here I stand, and yes I fall
Breathe.
Breathe, just breathe.
Breathe, its easy you’ve done it before…
Maybe you’ll feel what you felt…
Maybe just maybe, it’s another…
Yes, yet another
Open door…
I will remember you,
even when you forget you.
And if I ever forget,
I would certainly not have ever remembered
me.
…
missing you
you left; it went.
The relevance..?
Wait; a little later..
I’m slow, I know
And take
Forever to hit
the right fader
At full blast,
Wicked.
but sotto voce
no se..!
for you I wanna rig it
steek uit! Ek se..
We both know u care,
And we also know
that we miss you
Positivity, ne..?
That’s mos the cue?
You gotten none from me -
Its my reality.
But that’s why u ours
And us yours.
Hence the majesty
I’ve got u memorized,
Like you got me recognized
But, not by choice
Just etched.
By the cover- and make-all.
Mine, even when I fall
Forgive me,
I’m just in training
And I promise
Until I get it right..
No waning.
Oh yes..
About the relevance-
Actually quite fine;
It’s the sunshine..
kendal
Birthdays come and go, a birthday has come and gone.
I felt it again, for what reason I am to receive understanding of reason for reason to reckon. The experience is incomplete therefore proximity brought on by a driving, least but never denied.
I was told that I would get a “red tipping lorrie”, so that was inspiration enough for me to pay a visit to our family doctor. They had lied, my belief was strong, stronger than fear. Fear had dissapeared the second my “red tipping lorrie” entered my mind. As young as that my mind had space for only one thought, the most dominant always prevailed and would only ever make way for something more intriguing. Intigue then entailed very little, and the ease withwhich my mind evolved was swift and always left little or no surprise.
Things do not happen for a reason, only reasons happen for a purpose.
Misdirection, no matter how boring or mundane or sometimes even irritating they may be, the path that it has chosen may not be remotely close to yours, but the story has to be told. And the mere fact that you are present, means the story being told, is one of utmost importance to the story you are living, and the very one you eventually will end up telling.
Acceptance levels have dropped, compassion has been caged, innocence is well known, but apprehensively been denied. Advocates and lawyers, the judge and the jury have biasedly referenced our futures with compacted love. The verdict remains and our vision will always be ours. The choices we make right now has never been more important for our future salvation.
My education had been raised, the difference was evident and the timing may have been ever so slightly out, but there was no proof. My first day made the pregnancy of the idea, truly worth it’s birth. I had for a long time not experienced the strange excitement of approach, which I somehow almost immediately regarded as a part of me. I had somehow managed to spawn a new page. What trees and what labour where needed for the chapters to follow, have still to date not been revealed.
New beginning. Feeling expression, love delights, understanding may not be perceived yet, but later revealed. My thoughts involve so much more.
My muse has returned, with the dexterity and delight I know, but somehow do not recognise. Since the form it/she has chosen to take is one I could not ever have imagined, even less so, believed. I am surprised, pleasantly so, since all I knew I now most certainly know.
What beauty lay hidden in places we so often leave unexplored only to be revealed later, for reasons life could alone have the answer.
I smile since that’s the only thing I could possibly do, in the place I now find myself. The comfort I feel could possibly be the same as, if not, being born. Light-colour, touch-feeling, sound-music, air-breathing, vision-future. I do.
The feelings still need convincing, but is as evident as though convincing had no part to play. Because as always truth has no motive only true purpose, and for that, there could never be any excuse or alternative, since the truth knows only one way to be, and that is to be true. To justrify anything I have said in this last inspiration would be as redundant as god eplaining our mere existence, which in a phrase would amount to only this, let go and let god (YOU). Allowances maid evident by lack of alternatives. As always we are revealed to ouselves in our darkest most desperate hour, since in that hour we have no choice but to be who we were meant to be.
You are like a constant better than the sun, better than the moon, constants we believe could and would not ever dissappear or at least never while we are still around, but the constant you are, is and will always be, exactly that, but so much more.
Why should events which impact on our lives change the views and attitudes we have of each other? The most extraordinary thing is that the more you care the less you seem to get. The more disregard the more regard?
“four seasons in one day.”
Relief is there but the briefness has a lot more to comment on the relief than relief itself.
Last days, last hours, soon to be last minutes. Observation has become my priority, lessons, and learning, and absorbing, has been my intrigue.
My “friendship paradigm” has been more than that, and yet always more than any, and all of that, and all of all. I need to understand, I want to understand, I will. Somehow proximity has had an adverse effect to absence, and in turn to its presence, I know that the understanding will always reveal itself later. I now in experience, find some strange uncomfortable comfort in the knowledge of that. The adverse feeling however is never subdued, however much it may be understood. The strength and gravity could, and would, never be altered, it’s a constant as constant as the constant of the strength of a broken heart, and equally as strong as the strength of the constant of uncontrollable elated love. This is, and always will be, the intrigue, and inconsistency of life. And that is why we will always keep on searching, searching for constant inconsistencies, which somehow manages to maintain our eternal quest for intrigue. That soon after the unravelling of that, we find that the heartache of the pain we experience, is always perfectly aligned with the joyous elation of pleasure, and in that we find comfort, in both, since our destiny takes charge with the fuel we find in all our experiences, ALL. Once again where there is comfort there is pain.
There certainly is allot to be said for silence. Remember what peace there may be in silence (desiderata). Revelation has the most astonishing resonance on ones soul it allows you to breathe and attain the comfort you sought from it’s inception.
The untamed joy of giving is always astoundingly startling, unexpected elation rises and wells within, and elevates your soul to heights you previously thought were and would always be unattainable, and you smile. Yet again the surprise is pleasant. Inner beauty always finds a means to express its very presence forever outweighing it’s circumstances.
Real true love I have just realised has always lived right here. I now see that all any of what was, remains but a mere shadow of what it truly is meant to be. I therefore am experiencing the one thing that feeds my soul in all its splendour?
I feel that there are predictions of uncertainty looming, friendships, loves, family. The time has come to move forward to discard, disregard, and undoubtedly remove any and all that does not serve the higher good and all that does not nourish. The changes have arrived- Oct 2003.
All things brought to you, will never not have the tools to work it.
From a friend: “a friend is someone who knows the words to the tune in your heart, and sings it back to you, when you cannot remember.”
Home has never been as close as home has been, since being away.
My karma either still has to be paid or hopefully has already been paid, for deeds to which only God and I have reference , what that deduction is, or will be, I cannot say right now, the salvage team I believe has already been commissioned, and now it is but a matter of time, before relief will direct me. Like a compass, which without any doubt, always finds true north. Once again “send my roots rain”
A Poem by:
Nerys Aaron Joseph
Prisoner of Pain
You shut out magic, people and places
because someone never knew how to handle your heart
Never cared to safeguard it, treasure it
magic,people and places
come in gushes like fleeting moments
You never know how long they will stay
or how quickly they will go away
Do not let the brokenness
Rob you.
Imprison you.
Because one day, when you awake from the comatose state
Everything beautiful would have escaped you... but that will never happen, since
Joy awaits, and the love you search is at the door...
Open it...
we may not always be a flaming ball of glory, but a constant flame, which sometimes may flicker but never goes out...
Dad's old wall mount from yore, words i had inadvertently burnt into my childhood mind, i recall staring at these words as a young boy, always fascinated by the simplicity of it infinite wisdom, words which stayed with me for many years after.
These very words have been my subconscious guide throughout my life, and they have become words which i still draw strength from everyday, sometimes without even trying. Thank you Dad. You continue to inspire me, even long after you are gone.
May you be blessed, abundantly. Your quiet resolution never ceases to astonish me.
Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be careful. Strive to be happy.
© Max Ehrmann 1927
